Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
