i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
