i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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