history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
