Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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