i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
