it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
