this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
