i would punch a child for taco bell
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
