wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
