No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
