you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
