he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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