He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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