eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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