I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
