It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
