this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
