your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
