he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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