ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
