It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
