You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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