Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
