I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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