I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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