I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
