We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
