I looked at my own cervix.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
