We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
