return my video game
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
