if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
