he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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