So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
