so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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