a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
