just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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