peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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