All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
