If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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