sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
