And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
