how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
