This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
