garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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