He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
