May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
