I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
