does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
