just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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