Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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