My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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