i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
