Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
