At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you still have your period?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
